Naruto: Home Life
by Mista-Heesh
Summary: How you've seen Orochimaru, Kabuto and Anko never before!
1. Rise and Shine, Sleeping Beauty

Naruto: Anko Mitarashi presents…

Naruto: The Life

**Chapter 1: **

"**Rise and Shine, Sleeping Beauty"**

This story is basically focused on Orochimaru, Kabuto and Anko and what we don't see them do in Naruto.

This is one of my first fanfics, so please R & R!

It's 5:00 in the morning and strangely enough, a lot of stuff is going on.

A few birds chirp outside, a dog barks at a passing car, a few kids walk to school, adults go to work, cars pull out of driveways, ants carry leaves to anthills, people scoop up dog poop and people wake up.

All except one.

A guy with long, black hair coats his pillow with drool.

His alarm clock twitches, and then starts ringing madly.

Orochimaru, oblivious of the fact that his alarm clock is ringing, just rolls over and falls off his bed.

But he doesn't complain.

Instead, he just crawls back into his bed and goes back to sleep.

Then, his door opens.

"Good _morning!!!_" Kabuto sings happily (to Orochimaru it sounds like poisoned honey).

Kabuto goes up to Orochimaru's window and pulls open the curtains.

Orochimaru covers his blankets over his head.

Kabuto tried again.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!"

"Go away," mumbled Orochimaru.

"C'mon, you have a big day ahead of you!" Kabuto said as he pulled the covers off the bed to reveal Orochimaru curled up in a ball.

"_Noooo…_"

Orochimaru was being dragged by his hair down the stairs leading into the kitchen.

"C'mon, I made you breakfast today!" Kabuto said as he dropped Orochimaru into a chair.

Kabuto pushed a plate of eggs and bacon crudely arranged to form a smile.

Orochimaru looked at it for a few minutes.

Kabuto took a fork and force-fed him.

"You have a big day…" he said as he spooned a large amount of eggs into Orochimaru's mouth.

Then, outside the window, a kid from the nearby school looked into the kitchen.

"Mister, they say that the kids in the school have gone wild!"

Orochimaru didn't listen.

Kabuto put on a face. "Whatddya' mean all the students have gone wild?"

Orochimaru's eyes widened. "What?!" he exclaimed.

The door burst open and Orochimaru hopped out, struggling with his boot.

"Hurry!" Kabuto said as he watched the poor guy topple over.

"_Just help me!_" hissed Orochimaru, who was lying flat on the ground.

"Sure, sure. And don't you slap me your tongue no more."

Orochimaru growled.


	2. The Wrath of the Kids

Naruto: Anko Mitarashi presents…

Naruto: The Life

**Chapter 2: **

**Wrath of the School Kids**

Orochimaru got to the school, panting from a long fight with Kabuto.

He opened the doors and entered a corridor and found the class he taught.

He opened the door and…

Kids were standing on desks throwing paper airplanes, books, themselves, lunch, and soon enough, he was flying through the air, too.

"LOOK AT HIM FLY!!!" kids screamed with happiness. Then, Orochimaru got in contact with the chalkboard.

Kids paused, then cheered.

Then he slid down.

Even more cheers.

Finally, Orochimaru turned off the lights.

Everybody was silent.

He turns the light back on and all the kids sat on their desks.

Orochimaru took a piece of chalk.

"Now, I-"

A student named Anko waved her hand around madly.

"Yes, Anko?" Orochimaru asked blankly.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" she asked innocently.

"Go ahead."

But Anko didn't go anywhere.

Instead, she just sat there, blinking and looking at him in the eye innocently.

"Well?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

The classroom burst with laughter.

That was the problem with Anko. She always did something that made him look stupid.

"Order!" Orochimaru yelled.

"I'll have a fried noodle!" Anko called out.

"I'll have a won-ton sushi!" another kid called.

There was even more laughter.

Until, the biggest, baddest thing happened.

Anko stood on her desk.

"Remember the hat that Mr. Orochimaru wore at the school picnic?!" she yelled happily, and revealed a photo.

The only thing you can hear in the classroom was laughter.

"That's it!!!" Orochimaru yelled.

He grabbed Anko with his tongue and all the kids screamed at how gross it was.

That's when the door opened. Everybody became still.

It was a teacher.

"I'm sorry," the teacher said, then stopped at the sight of a teacher grabbing a kid with his tongue.

"You're sort of loud in here and my students are taking a test, so can you be quiet?"

Orochimaru just stared, his tongue out and everything.

"Okay," said the teacher as she closed the door.

Orochimaru released Anko, but soon found out it was a big mistake.

"_Is_ _it true that Mr. Kabuto watches you in the shower?_" Anko whispered.

Laughter ruled the room again.

But instead, Orochimaru left the room.

Anko dramatically jumped to the floor and grabbed his ankle, causing him to fall down.

There was laughter again.

Orochimaru ignores this and just leaves.


	3. Forced to the Park

Naruto: Anko Mitarashi presents…

Naruto: The Life

**Chapter 3: **

**Forced to the Park**

Kabuto opened the door and Orochimaru walked in without saying thank you.

"So, how did it go?" Kabuto asked.

"Whaddya' mean 'how did it go'?" Orochimaru snapped.

Kabuto slightly jumped. His master can be very scary at times.

"Uh, I mean, the lesson."

"_I_ was taught a lesson, more likely."

Kabuto blinked. "Really?"

Orochimaru nodded. "Always send 7th grade students to Detention immediately!"

"In what way?"

Orochimaru stared at him.

"Do I have to spell it out to you?"

"Uh, no…"

Orochimaru stormed off.

"But…" Kabuto whined.

Then he thought of something.

"Maybe you need a visit to the park!" he blurted out.

Orochimaru stared at him as if saying 'are you a retard?'

"Um, some people say it calms down nerves."

"MY NERVES DON'T NEED CALMING DOWN!!!"

_By the way you sound, your nerves are going berserk, _Kabuto thought.

Orochimaru stomped up the stairs and into his bedroom.

Kabuto followed him.

"But, Orochimaru, you have to…"

Orochimaru slammed the door shut on his face.

Kabuto shrugged.

Orochimaru was on his desk, writing notes.

**Kabuto is a retard! **

But a low hissing stops him from writing the next note.

Turning around to see what the noise was, Orochimaru widened his eyes.

The tip of a chain saw poked out of his door and started cutting a perfect rectangle out.

"What…are…you…DOING?!" Orochimaru yelled.

A familiar boot kicked out the rectangle.

"I think it's about time you visit the park!" Kabuto said.

Once again, Kabuto was dragging Orochimaru by the hair down the stairs.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…" Orochimaru groaned.

"I think it's time your nerves relaxed," Kabuto said with a grin on his face.

"My nerves don't need relaxing."

"Yeah, they do."

"No, they don't."

"Yeah, they do!"

"NO, THEY DON'T!"

"To you, but to _me…_"

Kabuto wanted to drive Orochimaru to the park, but Orochimaru said that he didn't want to look like an idiot, but Kabuto drove anyways.

Besides, Orochimaru had a trick up his sleeve.

But unfortunately, Kabuto had one, too.

Orochimaru's plan:

As soon as you're on the road, disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Kabuto's plan:

At anytime possible, slip Orochimaru an 'Anti Disappear' drug.

Put a spell on the car so it goes to the park and to the park only.

Orochimaru and Kabuto grinned smugly (oblivious of the fact that both of them are plotting against each other).

Then, the engine started and the car pulled out of the driveway

On the road, it was hard to get Orochimaru to ask for a drink of water and hard to disappear without the right effect, so Kabuto decided maybe Orochimaru's nerves had calmed down (although that theory is dreadfully wrong).

The park was only a couple of miles away now.

Kabuto noticed that Orochiamaru was kinda' leaning on him.

"Master, your-"

Kabuto stopped.

Apparently, Orochimaru had dozed off.

Grinning with victory, he forced a small pill into his mouth.

_Ha! _

Orochimaru opened his eyes, then gasped with disbelief.

"We're HERE!" shouted Kabuto happily.

Orochimaru tried to disappear, but all he did was start flickering.

Kabuto tried to hide his laughter, but it came out in snickers.

"What're YOU laughing at?!" Orochimaru retorted.

"Nothing," Kabuto answered coolly.

Kabuto opened the door.

"Let's walk around!"

Orochimaru stared at him.

"We came here just to walk around? That's what old guys do!"

Kabuto slightly jumped back.

"N-no, everybody does this."

Orochimaru got out of the car and slammed his door shut.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm going to walk around her pointlessly?"

Kabuto backed away slowly.

"No, you're doing this for a point!"

"And what would that be?"

Kabuto groaned quietly. He'd get it this time.

"T-to…" he stuttered, trying not to make eye contact. "…C-calm down y-your nerves?"

Orochimaru's eyes widened.

"_What?!_"

Kabuto squeezed his eyes shut and felt something like a python coiling around him.

But it wasn't a python.

It was Orochimaru's tongue.

Kabuto screamed but Orochimaru threw him on top of a nearby tree.

All this happening in three seconds.

Then, Kabuto saw Orochimaru disappear in a cloud of smoke.

"_HELP!_"


	4. Tongue Twister

Naruto: Anko Mitarashi presents…

Naruto: The Life

**Chapter 4: **

**Tongue Twister**

Orochimaru reappeared somewhere dark.

And slimy.

He tried to move, but couldn't.

Then, he tried to breathe.

Only a stream of bubbles came out.

Then the big idea hit him

_He was jammed in the toilet._

At the corner of his eye, he saw Kabuto, dry and eating an apple, watching him suffer in the toilet.

Orochimaru tried to say 'don't just stand there, help me!' but the only thing that came out was a stream of bubbles.

Kabuto just took another bite out of the apple and watched him casually.

Kabuto was looking at Orochimaru, whose legs were straight up in the air and head was in the toilet. Let him take care of himself.

He was the big snake guy, after all.

He took another bite out of his apple, oblivious of the fact that he would be slapped with Orochimaru's tongue extremely soon.

After a few hours, Orochimaru escaped.

And he was mad.

He walked over to the living room, dripping with the contents of a toilet.

Kabuto was watching TV and eating Smartfood cheddar cheese popcorn.

Kabuto dropped a kernel and got up to pick it up, but a slimy, wet, black boot slammed down on it with a sickening _splish_.

Kabuto looked up.

Standing over him was Orochimaru, and a very angry Orochimaru at that.

"H-hi," Kabuto stuttered nervously.

Kabuto was thrown into the toilet a billion times with Orochimaru's tongue.

Finally, Orochimaru threw him on the floor and stormed away.

**The Next Day…**

Kabuto woke up and stared at his alarm clock in disbelief.

It was 12:00! How could he have slept so late?!

He hurried to Orochimaru's room and found him with his arm hanging off the bed and saying something about riding ponies.

"Orochimaru! It's 12:00!" Kabuto shrieked as he shook Orochimaru impatiently.

"So?" he replied stupidly.

"It's late!"

"Leave it for later."

"But…!"

Kabuto patted Orochimaru lightly on the face.

"C'mon, buddy…"

The small pats turned to slaps.

Finally, Orochimaru woke up.

"What? What?"

"It's 12:00!"

Orochimaru grinned.

"No, it isn't, it's still 5:00. I put your alarm clock seven hours ahead."

"Oh…" Kabuto said, trying to hide his anger.

"Well?" Orochimaru blurted out. "Aren't you going to leave?!"

Kabuto hurried out and slammed the door behind him, gasping.

It was time for school (and in this case, teaching dumb kids which way is up), so Orochimaru got into his car and started up the engine.

Kabuto hurried to his window and Orochimaru reeled down the window.

"What?"

"You forgot your lunch."

Kabuto dangled an AirLok lunch sack in his face.

Orochimaru takes it and pulls out of the driveway.

Orochimaru arrived at the school and opened the doors.

He walked down the hallway and as he got closer to his classroom, noises got louder.

When he opened the doors, he saw that all the kids were gathered in a circle, talking.

At the moment they saw him, they disappeared and reappeared in their desks.

He closed the door behind him and walked up to his desk.

A few kids giggled.

He gave them a look, and sat down.

"Yiiiiii!"

He got up and looked at his chair.

Pins were scattered all over it facing upward.

The whole class burst into laughter.

Orochimaru tried to hide his bleeding butt and pushed the pins off his seat.

"Whoever did this goes to the Principal's office!" Orochimaru yelled.

All the kids shrugged as if to say 'we didn't do it, your pins fell of your desk and onto your seat'.

Orochimaru frowned.

"We're going to have Kunai throwing lessons today."

Some kids cheered, some kids protested.

Everybody was gathered outside.

"Now," Orochimaru said. "Here's an example."

He threaded his fingers into his other fingers, until Anko raised her hand.

"What?"

"Do we _have_ to do that?"

All the kids laughed.

Orochimaru tried to keep himself calm.

"No, we don't."

Anko raised an eyebrow. He was _supposed_ to get annoyed.

Orochimaru tied a larger-than-life rope around his waist.

Anko raised her hand again.

"What?"

"Why're you tying yourself up? You're not a criminal."

There was more laughter.

Frankly, Orochimaru didn't know.

"Just watch," was all he can say.

He ran by the kids (some kids tried to trip him) and threw a kunai at a sack of potatoes (which was supposed to be a target).

Anko raised her hand.

"Yes?" said Orochimaru, proud of himself.

"D'ya think we'll _ever_ face an evil sack of potatoes?"

All the kids burst into raving mad laughter.

"Alright, that's it!!!" Orochimaru yelled.

He tried to grab Anko with his tongue, but Anko dodged it and ran in continuous circles around a tree.

Obviously, his tongue followed her.

Then, Anko ducked under it and Orochimaru's tongue tied to the tree.

Angrily, Orochimaru untied his tongue and followed Anko with it.

Anko dodged it and took a sharp turn and dodged the tongue again.

Kids cheered her on.

She made a circle, then jumped over Orochimaru's tongue, then ran

In the circle she had made earlier.

Than she jumped into the crowd of kids.

Orochimaru's tongue follows her, clearing out kids.

Then Anko jumps into the middle of the tongue and jumps out of it.

She backs away from it, satisfied.

Orochimaru stopped, shocked.

His tongue was in a knot!

He tried to undo it, but it was pretty tight.

Anko pointed laughed at him, along with the other kids.

A kid named Sasuke gave Anko a high five.

All the other kids gave her high fives, too.

Then, all the kids got into the school bus and Anko told the driver 'we're out early'.

The bus drove away, out of sight.

The only thing Orochimaru could do was watch.


	5. Snowballs

Naruto: Anko Mitarashi presents…

**Naruto: The Life**

**Chapter 5:**

Snowballs

Kabuto was cooking something up in the kitchen.

Well, cooking up _something_, he was watching Emeril.

"Now," Emeril said. "You take the salt- _bam_!"

"Bam!" Kabuto mimicked, dropping the salt into a pan.

Then, the doorbell rang, and there was a series of impatient knocking, then the doorbell rang again.

He paused the Emeril show and opened the door.

Orochimaru walked in, dragging his tongue, which had a tight knot in it.

"What happened to _you_?" Kabuto asked.

Orochimaru just dragged the rest of his tongue in.

"Did something go wrong in your tongue grabbing thing? Or did it get stuck in barbed wire? Or did it-?"

Orochimaru just made sign language.

_Anko._

"What'd she do, exactly?"

_Do I have to spell it out to you?_

"Well, no-I wanted to know what she-"

_And your point is?_

"How'd she outsmart you?"

Orochimaru put on an angry look and tried to say 'She _can't_ outsmart me! She was just lucky!' but it came out as:

"Ee ah owart ee! Eee wuh uh uh-ee!"

Kabuto blinked.

"Oh…should I untie it for you?"

"O! I ah oo ih I ef!

"Okay, then."

A few hours later, Orochimaru appeared with his tongue untied.

"Hi!" Kabuto said happily, who was watching Emeril once again.

"Hi,"

Orochimaru was about to walk into his room when Kabuto called him.

"What?"

Kabuto smiled innocently. "I bought something for you."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out some white thing in a plastic bag.

Orochimaru took it.

"What is it?" he asked, examining the thing.

"It's a pastry…called a Snowball."

"Snowball?" Orochimaru asked incredulously.

Kabuto nodded.

"Yeah, it has coconut shavings all on top and inside…"

Kabuto paused for effect.

"…There's chocolate cake and cream!"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow despite Kabuto's enthusiasm.

"Well?" Kabuto asked. "Try it!"

Orochimaru stared at him. He wasn't going to humiliate himself in front of Kabuto.

"I will," he lied.

Kabuto clapped his hands. "_Alright!_"

Orochimaru grinned one of his confident grins and headed downstairs into the living room.

He sat at one of the sofas and glanced at the Snowball.

It seemed to be mocking him.

Orochimaru knew what to do.

Kabuto was cooking up one of his many sushi rolls. His mother's recipe. At the moment, he was copying a bit of Emeril to give the recipe a little zip.

Then, he saw something from the corner of his eye.

What looked like Orochimaru's tongue was holding the Snowball.

Then, Orochimaru's tongue let go.

"_Nooooooo!_" Kabuto cried.

He lunged dramatically for the Snowball.

It seemed to slowly fall down.

Kabuto was almost near it.

He was going to make it.

He was going to save the Snowball.

He grabbed it in his arms and-

He landed headfirst in the trash.

Orochimaru heard a crash and looked to his side.

It seemed that Kabuto had fallen headfirst into the trash.

Orochimaru just shrugged to himself.


End file.
